Harry Ossepian:

Rita Artinian:

And the winner is:

Both are so incredibly awesome that I can’t name a winner. One uses different images and layers them on top of each other proportionately, and the other uses paint and and brushes.  You can comment on which one you like best.

And just as the horror stories told by my friends (although they aren’t always told in such a negative tone) gave me the wisdom to keep myself from making their mistakes, I shall extend the same grace to those who happen to stumble upon my blog by sharing my situation. Unlike many stories similar to mine that have more than half of the pieces of the puzzle missing due to intoxication, I have a pretty good record of what happened, because unlike in real life, the web has its way of keeping track of Craigslist ads that were a result of sleep deprivation, caffeine, and possibly Fried Green Tomatoes (although evidence of any type of influence by the movie are nonexistent in my ad). So without further ado, here is an ad that tells me more about my unconscious mind than my conscious mind ever wanted to know or accept:

Unless you like ugly guys, don’t click! (this was the title of the post)

Now that I have your attention and know that you aren’t superficial…

I’m actually very hot. It’s summer and my apartment has no air-conditioning.

Here’s my situation: I’m surrounded by countless exotic and voluptuous beauties; however, they never notice me because they exist only in my mature-rated videogames, which is why I turn to Craigslist to find some real women who will accept and appreciate my legs for who they truly are: Bob and William (aka the two hairy monsters).

A little about me:

~I enjoy visiting the zoo, particularly the gorilla exhibit, because that’s where most of the “action” takes place.

~I’ve never gotten to first base in baseball, but I’ve gotten to second base with a girl in one of my best dreams.

~I don’t like Bush. So please shave your beard if you have one.

My hobbies include:

~Pretending to talk on my cell-phone as I walk on campus to fit in.

~Randomly telling people the wrong time, even if they don’t ask for it, just to throw them off. I do this when I feel especially sinister.

~Personifying my body parts. Wait until you meet Fred.

If it sounds like we have a lot in common, let’s meet up in Chuck E. Cheese’s and we’ll call it a date. Hope to see you soon!

P.S.

The only candidates who I will seriously consider playing whack-a-mole with are the ones who attach pictures that do not contain viruses or obscene content that involve two cowboys straying away from conformity, unless of course, the two cowboys are female. That would be okay so long as they’re not eating each other’s feces. That was gross.

The irony of this post is that I’m writing it as the clock nears 2 am. Although I feel conscious at the moment as I write these very words, will I wake up the next morning only to find my laptop sleeping next to me? I may not need to visit the doctor, but I may find a blog post I didn’t intend to post…like this very one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySQAldf-UjA

After shuffling through my video cassettes, I came across my old high school talent show performance.. Watching it over again brought some tears to my eyes for three reasons: 1) because the video reminded me of the good old days in High School where I could act like a schmuck and still have the respect of my fellow classmates 2) because of the ::cricket:: noises after some painfully unfunny and uncomfortable moments (1:15 and 3:06 in particular), and 3) because Ed stole some of the charitable money that should have been mine. I have you on camera red handed Ed!

LYRICS:

Mamaaa! Why did you have to go and leave me buh bymyself? Buh bymyself?

Mamaaa! Why did you have to go and leave me all alone? All alone?

Pappaaa! Why did you have to go and kill my Mama mama?

Pappaaa! Why did you have to go and kill my Mama mama?

PAPA! PAPA! Why’d you kill mama?

PAPA! PAPA! Why’d you kill mama with the:

KNIFE THE KNIFE THE KNIFE THE KNIFE THE KNIFE THE KNIFE THE KNIFE!

Mama mama mama I reallyah missa you!

Mama! Mama! Iah missa you!

Mama! Mama! Iah missa you!

I missa you I missa you I missa you I missa you!

Mama mama mama I reallyah missa you!

P.S. No, my mother is not actually dead. In fact, you can hear her giggle throughout the course of the video if you listen carefully. However, most of the audience did not know this, which begs the question: why the hell were they laughing when I said that I don’t have a mother anymore on the first formal question???

Oh, and I cut out the last part of the results section because everyone knows I won…

Or did I…

 1) To let my audience know that I have not forgotten about them, despite having put my blog in the backburner for the past few weeks.

2) To nullify the popular assumption that Geology is the easiest of all physical/natural sciences.

Spring semester 2008 came to a close about two months ago, and this prospect was met with great enthusiasm and excitement as many of my High School buddies arrived home from their distant campuses, rampant parties, and overwhelming schoolwork. Those three ideas are inextricably linked to form a formula for failure. Living away from home allows you to attend parties without the fear of parents smelling booze on your clothing when you get back home at 3 am, and the amount of brain cells you kill after one party would naturally make any task overwhelming, especially schoolwork. Perhaps that’s why they’re not on the Dean’s List.

I, fortunately, or unfortunately, as some of my friends would say, don’t have the “luxury” of going to parties. I live only fifteen minutes away from my campus and take classes back to back, typically on Tuesdays and Thursdays, depending on whether the classes I want to take fit into the timetable. When I’m finished with all my classes, I either drive straight back home, or go to work if I’m scheduled that day. Even with my rigorous school and work schedules, I have had no problems managing my time, even when I had three papers to write, two exams to study for, and a presentation to prepare for.

This all changed when I took Geology this summer. Like many naïve students, I’m sure, I signed up for Geology thinking that it would be a nice and brisk way to get my science general education requirements out of the way. Even better was that it was being offered during the summer, meaning I could take only one class, focus on it, and get it out of the way. Oh man oh man was I wrong. Never have I felt more stressed over assignments, more anxious about quizzes, and more fearful of tests. It’s truly amazing that only one class can cause so much grief. I don’t know if my anxiety is a result of taking it over the summer, considering that a whole semester’s worth of information is being forced down my throat in the course of five weeks, or if it’s because my mind can’t comprehend the super complicated concepts of our Earth’s processes. I like to think it’s a little of both.

It’s not just rocks. It’s river channels, mountain building, plate tectonics, coral reefs, deep sea trenches, volcanic formations, islands, the composition of the Earth’s crust, the four spheres, earthquakes, ocean basins, etc. each with their own chapter dedicated to describing even the most subtlest of nuances for each process.

You would think that we would be looking at rocks in boxes, right? That’s what I thought. Wrong. We actually go out to the field, to local rivers, creeks, beaches, poison ivy infested forests, and mosquito-ridden swamps. During the regular semester, students would never dream of going outside. To be fair, if I were a Geology major, or even a major in any psychical or natural science, this summer session would be a wet dream come true. I can’t say that I haven’t learned a lot in the class, and that it hasn’t opened my eyes up to just how complicated our planet is. I mean this is the definition of a liberal arts education, right? I just wish I could have experienced the class without the anxiety and fear.

I have always considered myself different than most students in terms of how I view grades, but it takes a class like Geology where there’s a strong likelihood that I may get a C, and that’s only if I’m lucky, to realize that I may not be so different than the typical student after all. Eh, the most important thing is that at the end of the day, I tried my best, learned some stuff on the way, and definitely know that I want to stay as far away from Geology for a career as possible.

Now you know why I haven’t been keeping up with my blogs regularly. That will change soon. But I have to say, I’m beginning to grow tired of politics. People are always going to believe what they want to believe, and the same goes for me. I mean my blog’s title is a paradox! It’s a human tendency to be subjective in our beliefs. I wish to keep an open-minded approach to the way I view politics, but when people tell me that they do not want to vote for Obama because their friends have told them that he is the antichrist, my faith in humanity diminishes a little bit more. Oh well, I’ll save topics like these for other blog posts, but I don’t think I’ll have a blog dedicated to politics as I originally planned anymore. I still have to focus on one topic, though, or else I’m going to go back to my random rambles. Maybe videogames? Film? Both? Interesting.

Although I would agree that our economy is the most pressing and important issue facing our country today, we can’t begin to forget how the economy’s current state is only a symptom of the war in Iraq.

Democrats must make the case that the war in Iraq is directly related to our economy’s steady downfall. Only during the last eight years has the middle class faced extinction as the gap between the rich and the poor widens even further. Tax breaks for corporations have done nothing to help average Americans, and have done everything to help war profiteering corporations. The war has cost us trillions of dollars borrowed from China and Saudi Arabia that future generations will have to pay off as the dollar continues to sharply fall and inflation continues to rise. If the Democrats can convince the American public that increasing food prices, oil prices, commodity prices, etc. will continue to rise if McCain resumes the war in Iraq, Americans may wake up to the fact that paying low taxes just won’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things when they’re most likely going to pay $8 a gallon, from which a good chunk of the proceeds will be used to fund the war in Iraq and the inevitable war in Iran.

But of course, Americans don’t think in black and white. Or do they? Even if Democrats can succeed in convincing the American public that the war in Iraq is negatively impacting our country from an economical standpoint, still a great many Americans will make their decision on who to vote for based on the color of the candidate’s skin. These voters are the same naïve and ignorant individuals who voted for Bush twice because they could see themselves drinking a beer with the gregarious golfer. Race is not the only polarizing issue. Gay marriage, abortion, gun control, among other decisive issues, as important as they are, will serve to divide Americans along party lines to vote based on their beliefs rather than a candidate’s policies on health care, the environment, the economy, and the war in Iraq.

In an ideal world, an American voter would look at the big picture and decide on a candidate based on his or her overall package, hopefully with an emphasis on the candidate’s stance on the most pressing issues immediately facing the country directly (economy) and indirectly (Iraq). However, when voters vote for a candidate just because they would enjoy a beer with the candidate, or because the other candidate’s black or white, or more reasonably because the candidate is against abortion or for gay rights (what ever happened to separation of church and state anyways?), then we face a serious problem. I mean if Obama has to continually assert that he is not Muslim because Americans can’t fathom a non-Christian president, you know we live in a society that arguably may not be too far off from one that stones women when their faces aren’t completely veiled.

The strong likelihood that McCain will most likely continue the downward spiral of the Bush Administration’s failed domestic and foreign policies doesn’t seem to matter much to most Americans. What seems to matter more is that McCain would defend the sacred and holy right to have a gun. But to the voter in Montana who can’t wait to cast his or her vote this coming November, I ask: what good will that .547 revolver do when a mushroom cloud trespasses your backyard?

Although that’s a bit over-exaggerated, like the facts leading up to the war in Iraq (ZING!), the point still stands. There are pressing issues facing our country that need to be dealt with immediately before it’s too late. In my view, Obama proposes the best policies to address those pressing issues.

What are those policies?

To responsibly end the ill-conceived and poorly managed war in Iraq that has cost us trillions of dollars, our reputation and influence in the global arena, and more importantly, the lives of more than 4,000 brave soldiers and more than a million innocent civilians. I have listened to many arguments for why abruptly ending the war would pose a serious problem for the Iraqis. From a humanitarian standpoint, leaving the war as irresponsibly as we got in would lead to a mass slaughter between the Shiites and the Sunnis. From a political standpoint, leaving the war would allow Iran to exploit Iraq’s natural resources. What to do?

Now here’s a reality check: The United States sadly cannot sustain another potential eight years in Iraq. We are not the super power that we think we are anymore. How can we be when leaders from Iran and Venezuela make light of our dominance; and with good reason, for the war has emboldened our enemies, cost us our reputation and influence in the global arena, and our good allies. And for what? So that Iraqis can have the right to vote? I think the Iraqis preferred the right to have their family members in one piece.

The Obama campaign’s promise to responsibly end the war doesn’t necessarily mean that every troop on the ground will be coming home. A great majority of American troops will gradually come back home, while some will stay back at an American base in order to police and keep the Iraqis from killing themselves. By drawing away our main focus from Iraq, Obama will convert his attention to the real war on terror against Al Qaeda, and will help rebuild our economy by promoting new jobs in conventional industries, as well as new ones like alternate energy, which in turn, will help pay off our debts.
Obama also proposes to talk to the leaders of our enemies. Some would say that shows a sign of weakness, but I would say that is the American way. America has always been a country about diplomacy first, and war as a last resort…until Bush. Unfortunately, McCain will continue Bush’s failing trend to piss off the international community as he laves diplomacy in the backburner and aggressively eyes Iran.

Of course, you’re free to disagree with Obama’s policies and my opinion. If you’re in the mindset that McCain will truly serve our country well because his policy to never surrender appeals to you, then by all means, vote for him. I just hope that you own stocks in Exxon Mobil or Halliburton, because for the rest of us, brace yourselves for another potential four to eight years of Hell.

As he painted her with a thick and unjust brush in broad strokes and different shades of black, he smiled, as did she. She had no choice then and has no choice now, but to stare lifelessly into the eyes of tourists, spectators, and painters, with her deceiving smile.

Before the Iowa primary, nobody could have predicted that Senator Clinton would have lost the bid to office to a seemingly novice nominee like Barack Obama. She ran with the message that she was the most qualified and most experienced candidate. However, her self-proclaimed experience did not give her the hindsight or even the serendipity to acknowledge the looming threat that Obama posed to her campaign.

Obama’s campaign had been thoughtfully planned for the long-run, as they rightfully knew that the Clinton campaign wouldn’t go down without a fight. Clinton’s campaign, on the other hand, expected a major victory on Super Tuesday assuring her bid as the Democratic nominee. When that victory failed to see the light of day, and her campaign was drained of most of its resources, only then did Clinton resort to Obama-bashing (Obama is all rhetoric and no willpower, to name one of many), which served to strengthen Obama’s argument that Senator Clinton represents the status quo of Washington.

Obama has not only proved to Clinton that he is every bit as experienced as he needs to be in order to run a country (if his handling of his campaign is any indication), but he has more importantly proved to the American population that his leadership skills are unparalleled as they come. The road to the general election will be much longer and more winding, but Obama’s eloquence, competence, and most importantly, his policies will allow him to lead our great nation back to its former glory.

May we end the war in Iraq, finish the war against Al Qaeda, regain our influence in the global arena, assert our moral authority on urgent issues like Global warming and genocide, and bring back the civil liberties that the founding fathers so desperately tried to institute. Can we do it?

I know it’s cliché by now, but I don’t care, I’m going to write it in bold capital letters anyway:

YES WE CAN!

Yes, my blog is nothing more than ash piled up on the surface of the Internet right now, but let me tell you something:  amazing things can happen in the last minute when all is lost.  Just like a phoenix, my blog will resurrect from the ashes into something beautiful, something sacred, and immortal. I will transition from writing random posts that attract to niche audiences, and begin writing to the mainstream by focusing on one very important and popular topic: Politics 2008.

I believe it would be a disservice to the American public, at large, if I do not contribute anything to this election like in 2004, a year in which I was too young, too naïve, and too stupid to contribute anything. This year, however, I’ve been sitting on the sidelines for the past year or so carefully observing every Republican and Democratic nominee to see what they bring to the table. I learned a lot about the American electoral process by following news stories and actively engaging in political forums. And now that we have presumptive Democratic and Republican nominees, it is time for me to make sure that what happened in 2004 doesn’t happen again.

Indeed, just like John McCain, I will never give up on my unwavering commitment to serve the American population. And hopefully, my dedication will pay off just like it paid off for McCain…by some divine incomprehensible miracle. After winning only ONE primary in New Hampshire in January of 2008, Senator McCain was able to edge a victory over then Republican front-runner, Mit Romney. Quite an accomplishment when your campaign was on the brink of bankruptcy, in shambles, and in disarray.

In the coming months after that one victory, everything else fell in line: Giuliani and Romney drop out of the race, both expressing their unequivocal support for McCain, McCain begins to gain endorsements from countless newspapers and organizations, and in order to honor McCain’s “comeback,” as many journalists and political correspondents called it, Time magazine published this front-cover article:

I haven’t seen so much positivity in our media since the initial aftermath of the war in Iraq. Don’t remember? Here’s a little reminder:

We live in a great country. I only state the obvious because my blogs may at times be full of cynicism and pessimism, but I’d like my readers to realize that I am proud to be an American, as I am proud to have the right to freedom of speech. I am not proud of what has happened to our country in the past eight years, however. We have been forced to give up some of our rights in the name of national security. We have been deceived by our Supreme Court as they overturned the majority vote in the name of “justice.” And most importantly, we have been brainwashed to think and act a certain way in the name of fear.

This is not the America that our founding fathers fought so hard to protect. I fear that if McCain were to win, we would be subjected to the same exact hypocrisy and deception that we have become accustom to over the past eight years. And yet, the fact that we have become accustom to the fear is precisely why he has a chance at winning. It is our job, America, to wake up and not fall for the lies, the hypocrisy, and most of all, the fear.

I’m going to try my best to update my blog every Friday. Please keep in mind that I am a busy University student (yes, I’m taking summer classes) and have a job, so it’s sometimes difficult to find the time to write. But I will update as frequently as I can, and the more you comment, the more time I will invest. It’s up to you to make sure that this blog doesn’t have to resurrect into a gaming blog, which isn’t as controversial or as fun to write about.

His unchecked words are lies.
They believe Him as if they were blind.
They just wait for the day they die
As He poisons their minds.

The Shepherd makes his final call
And grabs His rope and gun.
One by one they slowly fall,
As their faith burns in the sun.

The shepherd’s sins of seven
Send the Sheep directly to heaven.